by Luther Conant

Condensed from McCall's

1950

Have you ever wondered why otherwise normal people say good-bye to their hostess and promptly stand at the front door for another ten minutes saying it all over again?

“If leave-taking is awkward for you,” says Mrs. Agnes Rogers Allen, author of the recent best-seller Women Are Here to Stay, “wait for a pause and start a little story. As you tell it, rise from your chair. Come to the climax standing by your hostess. Put out your hand, thank her, say good-bye and leave.”

For married couples, Mrs. Allen suggests a quiet prearranged high sing. Otherwise the wife should take the initiative—walk over to her husband’s group and make the most of that first pause when they turn toward her. Any little sentence: “John would like to talk all night, but we must go now.” The secret is fast timing. If she joins the conversation, she’ll be there another half hour.

Never make any excuses for leaving. “I’m afraid I have to go now” is nonsense. A good excuse only makes your hosts feel unimportant, and a weak excuse merely strands you at the door explaining inanely.

When you do have to leave well ahead of the others tell your hostess this as soon as you arrive, not when you’re leaving. If it’s a large party, just say good-bye to your hosts and people near you. Once you’ve said good-bye, don’t bring up any new topic of conversation. We all have that impulse to say something interesting on the way out. Save it for next time and spare your hostess one of those prolonged hallway farewells.

Just when is the right time to go? Mrs. Audrey Winston, noted New York social authority, suggests:

A dinner party—two hours after coffee is served

An after-dinner party—about two and a half hours

A luncheon—30 to 40 minutes after dessert

A cocktail party—an hour and a half is ample

An afternoon call—not more than an hour

“If you’ve made up your mind about the right time to leave,” says Mrs. Winston, “your exit can be much more relaxed.” All you need do is glance at your watch, say a pleasant and brief farewell and put one foot in front of the other until you’re out the door.



My faux-pas

I was invited to a "happy-hour" not long ago and could have used this advice about cocktail parties. The party broke up after one drink and about an hour and a half. I was caught off guard, thinking it was going to be an evening event; the hostess had enough food on display to feed us for dinner but it was just for nibbles. She carefully and clearly shooed us out per the cocktail schedule. If I had been better clued-in I would have made a more graceful exit.

Mother's Day

"The phone shrilled in the middle of the night, and I groggily picked up the receiver. It was a long-distance call. My heart hammering, I heard, "Is that you, Son?"

"Mom! What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." I could hear Mother chuckle, "It's your birthday."

"Holy smokes! You didn't get me out of bed at 3 a.m. just to say Happy Birthday, did you?"

"Well, you made me get out of bed at 3 a.m. 30 years ago tonight--and it is high time I paid you back!"

Philip A. Lincoln